.TEACHER : How can we keep our school clean?
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.College Clerk: Beta yeh form tumne galat bhar diya hai. Yahaan address nahin naam likhna tha.
.Student: Vikas Puri mera naam hi hai jee.
.College Clerk: Achcha aur pita ka naam?
.Student: Ji Janak Puri.
.College Clerk: Achcha Dadaji ka naam?
.Student: Trilok Puri.
.College Clerk: Hey Bhagwaan beta jaate jaate apni maa ka naam bhi bata do.
.Student: Maya Puri.
.College Clerk: Main yeh sub nahin maanta. Koi aaya he tumhare saath family se tumhaari admission .ke liye.
.Student: Ji mera bara bhai hai yeh.
.College Clerk: Aapka naam?
.Bhai: Govind Puri!
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BRUCE LEE was a great man
But after his sister gave birth to a baby he became an ordinary man...
why?
Because he became
MAMU LEE!
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Q. What would an angrez [american/ british] say to his indian naukar [servant] who can only understand hindi if he wants him 2 open the door!!
Q. What would an angrez [american/ british] say to his indian naukar [servant] who can only understand hindi if he wants him 2 open the door!!
A. "There Was A Cold Day " - (say it fast)!
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.Prove that 2/10=2
.
.
.CA student-wrong question..
.
....
.Doctor-no way..
.
.
.Science student- it's strange, how it is possible?!
.
.
.Engineering student-
.two/ten=
.wo/en
.t with t cancel..
.W=23rd lettr
.o=15th lettr
.e=5th lettr
.n=14th lettr
.so
.23+15/5+14
.=38/19
.=2
.Hai na engineer mahan!!
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.Having lost his donkey, Poppat got down to his knees and started thanking God.
.His friend Mungeri asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for?"
.Poppat replied "I am thanking God for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, .otherwise I would have been missing too !!"
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. How do you get the water into the Watermelon?
.A: Plant it in the spring.
.Q: Why was the boy covered in gift wrap?
.A: His mom told him to "live in the present."
.Q: What does a piece of fruit sleep on?
.A: Apri-Cots.
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.Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome.
.One has a cross in front of him; the other one the Star of David.
.Many people go by and look at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross. A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar behind the cross, but none give to the beggar behind the Star of David.
.Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says, "My poor fellow, don't you understand?? This is a Catholic country, this city is the seed of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite."
.The beggar behind the 'Star of David' listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moishe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing
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.Tricking the Bull
.At the end of the workday, one cowboy tells another, "That new bull nearly did me in today, partner."
."Oh yeah, what happened?"
."I was putting out the feed, when the sucker bull came charging at me like a locomotive from hell. He damn near got me!"
."So, how'd you get away?"
."Well the bull kept slipping. He slipped three times, and that gave me a chance to make it to the fence and jump over."
."Man, that was scary. If it had been me, I would probably have shit all over the place."
."I Did! What do you think the bull was slipping on?
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.Two not-too-bright fellows were talking. One was explaining to the other how the Good Lord often compensates for a person's natural deficiencies.
.Two not-too-bright fellows were talking. One was explaining to the other how the Good Lord often compensates for a person's natural deficiencies.
."You see," he said, "If someone is a bit blind he might have a very good sense of hearing, or if his sense of taste has gone, he may have a keen sense of smell."
."I agree with you," said the other. "I've always noticed that if someone has one short leg, the other one is always just that little bit longer
.A loaded mini van pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils.
.A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork."
.The father replied, "I have a system; no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."
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.Grandpa Aaron was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular...
."When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, and a magazine, some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!
.The Grandson said sadly ..."You can't DO that any more...they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look......"
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.TEACHER : John is climbing a tree to pick some
.mangoes. ( Begin the sentence with Mangoes)
.Student : Mangoes, John is coming to pick you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.TEACHER : What do you call mosquitoes in your language?
.Student: We don't call them, they come on their own.
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.TEACHER : One day our country will be corruption free. What tense is that??
.Student: Future impossible tense.
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.English Grammar class.
.Teacher: What's the difference between "He cleans the plate" and "the plate is cleaned by him."
.Student: In first sentence 'he' is not married, but in second sentence 'he' is married....
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.Usne khoob mannatein mangi, nange per tirth yatra par gaya,
.bhoomi par soya, sare devi devtavon ke darshan kiye,
.bahut dino tak upwaas kiya, aur ant mein kaṭhin nirjala vrat arambh kar diya.
.Tab bhagwan khud prakaṭ huye aur haath jod kar bade deen bhaav se bole..
."pahele shaadi to kar mere baap"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.A gentleman goes to an estate sale and notices that one of the items for sale is a large parrot.
.He's always wanted a talking bird, so when it comes up for bid he offers $50.
.The bidding proceeds hot and heavy with someone always bidding ten dollars more than he until the parrot is finally sold to him for $1,500.
.When he goes to get the bird, he asks the auctioneer, "Can the bird talk?"
.The auctioneer replied, "Who do you think was bidding against you?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.A college professor asked his class a question. ."If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?"
.One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor you're 44.."
.The Professor said "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?"
.The student said. "You see professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's half nuts . . ."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
.Think of a letter between A and W.
.
.
.Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.
.
.
.Keep going . . . Don't stop . . . .
.
.
.Think of an animal that begins with that letter.
.
.
.Repeat it out loud as you scroll down.
.
.
.Think of either a man's/woman's name that begins with the last letter in the animals name
.
.
.
.Almost there........
.
.
.Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down.
.
.Take the hand you counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level
.
.
.Look at your palm very closely and notice the lines in your hand
.
.
.Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the persons name?
.
.Of course not.......
.
.
.Now smack yourself in the head, get a life and quit playing stupid e-mail games!
.
.
.Don't tell the secret to others, just send them this e-mail 'n' have fun!
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Some Facts
01. . Smart man + smart woman = -Romance
02. .Smart man + dumb woman = -Pregnancy
03. .Dumb man + smart woman = -Affair
04. .Dumb man + dumb woman = -Marriage
05. .Smart boss + smart employee = -Profit
06. .Smart boss + dumb employee = -Production
07. .Dumb boss + smart employee = -Promotion
08. .Dumb boss + dumb employee = -Overtime
09. .A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
--> .A woman will pay $1 for 2a $2 item that she doesn't need.
10. .A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
11. .A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
12. .To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
13. .To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
14. .Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
15. .Any married man should forget his mistakes, there is no use in two people remembering the same thing.
16. .A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
17. .A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
18. .A woman has the last wor2d in any argument.
19. .Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
20. .In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
--> .Then God created man and rested.
--> .Then God created woman.
--> .Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
21. .Why do men die before their wives?
--> .They want to.
22. .A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said -"I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "Man, I wish I had your willpower."
23. .Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
--> Two Mother-in-laws.
24. .Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of --> -Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
--> Dad: That happens in every country, son.
25. .A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted".
--> Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: -"You can have mine."
26. .The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
27. .First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
--> Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
28. .How do most men define marriage?
--> An expensive way to get laundry did for free.
29. .Just think, if it were not for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
30. .If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
31. .Then there was a man who said, -"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
32. .A little boy asked his father, -'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
--> And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
02. .Smart man + dumb woman = -Pregnancy
03. .Dumb man + smart woman = -Affair
04. .Dumb man + dumb woman = -Marriage
05. .Smart boss + smart employee = -Profit
06. .Smart boss + dumb employee = -Production
07. .Dumb boss + smart employee = -Promotion
08. .Dumb boss + dumb employee = -Overtime
09. .A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
--> .A woman will pay $1 for 2a $2 item that she doesn't need.
10. .A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
11. .A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
12. .To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
13. .To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
14. .Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
15. .Any married man should forget his mistakes, there is no use in two people remembering the same thing.
16. .A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
17. .A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
18. .A woman has the last wor2d in any argument.
19. .Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
20. .In the beginning, God created earth and rested.
--> .Then God created man and rested.
--> .Then God created woman.
--> .Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
21. .Why do men die before their wives?
--> .They want to.
22. .A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo Drive and said -"I haven't eaten anything in four days." She looked at him and said, "Man, I wish I had your willpower."
23. .Do you know the punishment for bigamy?
--> Two Mother-in-laws.
24. .Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of --> -Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
--> Dad: That happens in every country, son.
25. .A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife wanted".
--> Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: -"You can have mine."
26. .The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
27. .First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
--> Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
28. .How do most men define marriage?
--> An expensive way to get laundry did for free.
29. .Just think, if it were not for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
30. .If you want your wife to listen and pay undivided attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
31. .Then there was a man who said, -"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."
32. .A little boy asked his father, -'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
--> And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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Kitni shiddat se maine book uthane ki kosish ki hai. -Ki har zarre ne muje sulane ki sazish ki hai. Kehte hain agar kisi chapter ko dil se smjhna chaho to sari kaynat tumhe usme confuse karne mein jut jati hai aur agar aisa na ho to samajh lena ke chapter syllabus ke bahar hai mere dost.
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