Funniest jokes, quotes
and sayings:
The best jokes - Be Healthy
ENJOY: GGSTARHEALTH.COM
51.
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”
That’s about as far as I remember.
I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.
So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”
One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”
So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”
That’s about as far as I remember.
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.
53.
The inventor of AutoCorrect is a stupid mass
hole. He can fake right off.
Can a
kangaroo jump higher than a house?
-
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
-
Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
55.
Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from
a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"
Doctor: "Nine."
56.
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 5:25 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 5:10 one.
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 5:25 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 5:10 one.
57.
Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?
My name is Paul.
Anton, do you think I’m a bad mother?
My name is Paul.
58.
A police officer stops a car.
Officer: “Your driver’s license please.”
Driver: “I’m really sorry, I forgot.”
Officer: “At home?”
Driver: “No, to do it.”
A police officer stops a car.
Officer: “Your driver’s license please.”
Driver: “I’m really sorry, I forgot.”
Officer: “At home?”
Driver: “No, to do it.”
59.
Why is women’s soccer so rare?
-
It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
Why is women’s soccer so rare?
-
It’s quite hard to find enough women willing to wear the same outfit.
60.
I was making Russian tea. Unfortunately I cannot fish the teabag out of the vodka bottle.
I was making Russian tea. Unfortunately I cannot fish the teabag out of the vodka bottle.
61.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
62.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
-
Snowballs.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
-
Snowballs.
63.
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick: "What school?"
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?"
Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!"
Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?"
Patrick: "What school?"
64.
"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In the stork?"
"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In the stork?"
My girlfriend says that I am snoopy. But OK, maybe she meant it differently when she wrote it in her diary.
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